Luke 5:1-26    A Better Way of Loving   Oct 11, 2009

Fireproof Your Relationships: Sermon Six

     I have a question for you. Who taught you how to tie your shoe laces? Raise your hand when I come to your answer. Was it your mother? Your father? Your brother or sister? Your grandmother? A friend?      I don’t remember how old I was, but I remember that it was my mother who taught me. She  showed me how to make a half knot, and then a loop with one lace, wrap the other around it, make a loop with the other lace, slip one through the other and pull tight.

      I know a guy who was never taught to tie his shoes. One day in his mid-forties it dawned on him that his shoelaces were always a little funny because he had taught himself how to tie his shoes. He came from a family with six children. All the other family members assumed that someone else had taught him how to tie his shoes, so no one ever formally sat down with him to teach this fundamental lesson.  It’s kind of sad, isn’t it?     Tying one’s shoe isn’t that complicated, once you know how, but figuring it out on your own is difficult.    That’s true about a lot of things in life. Brushing your teeth, setting an alarm clock, planting a plant,  serving a tennis ball, swinging a golf club, -– most things in life  go better if you can learn them from somebody who already knows how.

      Nowhere in life is this truer than learning to relate to people and nowhere is it more important than learning how to really love people. The sad thing is, in most families, no one ever sat us down and said, “Here are the fundamentals of how to love others.”    So, like my friend teaching himself to tie his own shoes, we learned how to love by watching and imitating and experimenting. For many of us, that method didn’t work. As a result, we’ve hurt some people we really didn’t mean to, we’ve damaged some relationships, and we have some regrets about others. This morning, I want to show you a better way. I want to teach you the fundamentals of a better way of loving.

 I want to show you the way Jesus loved people.   

       In our scripture today, we see Jesus teaching a large crowd of people.  He is busy all day long.  There are so many people tugging at him that he has to get out in a boat just to get some room to speak to them all.  Now when the day is done, Jesus must have been tired.  Surely, he was ready to get some rest.  But he turns to Peter and says, “Let’s throw out the fishing nets.”  Now Jesus did not need those fish.  He did this for Peter.  Jesus loved Peter and he did this for Peter.

      The first key principle if we want to love others better is:

1. BETTER LOVE THINKS ABOUT OTHERS MORE THAN SELF

       Mostly in our culture, when people say, “I love you” they really mean “Do you love me?”   We say we love but often we want love.  We leave a relationship when we are no longer “getting something out of it.”  But better love gives.  It is described in I Corinthians 13 in unselfish terms.  That is the love of God.  That is the love that lasts forever.  In the movie, “Fireproof” one of the main characters says, “When people promise for Better or Worse, they really just mean Better.”  But real love is for better or worse.  It thinks more about the other person than about the self.

2. BETTER LOVE MAKES THE FIRST MOVE

Better love initiates the friendship, rather than waiting for the other person to initiate it. Jesus called Peter, not vice versa. Jesus initiated the idea of fishing, not vice versa. Love takes the first step, it’s proactive, not reactive. It doesn’t wait for others to begin the friendship, it makes the first move.

You might be able to see this even more clearly in the next story in the book of Luke. Right after the big catch, Jesus heals a man with leprosy. Look at v. 12.  This is one of my favorite stories in the Bible, because it just shows so clearly the heart of Jesus, and therefore shows us so clearly how to love in the better way.   In ancient times, leprosy was a terrible disease that sentenced a person to years of isolation, loneliness, and finally death.  It would be much like a person with AIDS today.  It was a fearful disease.   According to Luke, this man wasn’t in the early stages of leprosy, he was covered with it, which meant he hadn’t felt the warmth of human touch in probably more than a decade.

   Now what does Jesus do? Specifically, what does Jesus do before actually healing the man? Let me show it to you because this is so good:  “JESUS REACHED OUT HIS HAND AND TOUCHED THE MAN.” – LUKE 5:13   Does He do this before or after the man is well? (Before.)    Jesus makes the first move. Before healing, He touches.  This is agape love. This is, “What can I do for you?” love. This is not, “I love you when…” It’s not, “I love you because…” It’s, “I love you in spite of…” I love you warts and all.

      Here’s the third principle you need to practice if you are going to practice a better way of loving:

3. BETTER LOVE TAKES RISKS.

       Jesus was the Son of God, the Bible says that He was fully human as well as fully divine. So Jesus could have contracted leprosy by touching this man. Certainly by touching him, He broke the Jewish law as well as the heavy social stigma surrounding leprosy.  But Jesus takes that risk.  He reaches out to love and takes the risk.    Listen, if you are really going to live a life of love, you will take some risks.  Some will blow up in your face.  Listen.  I have given to people and later found that I was ripped off.  I have spent much time with families to help them and then they decide to leave the church.  I have spent weekends on retreats with teens and later they treat me like a stranger.  I have written cards and letters and made phone calls, but later they will tell their friends that no one ever cared for them.  Sometimes we can do all we can to love, to repair a relationship, to save a marriage, but it will not be received.  But do not be jaded.  Do not grow cynical.  Do not give up on love.  Even with all the risks, love is the best way.  The old saying is right, “Better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all.”    

     There is one more principle about a better love.  We find it in the last story in our scripture about the man whose friends bring him for healing.  The four principle is:

4. BETTER LOVE SPEAKS THE TRUTH

      If Jesus had wanted to love this man a little, He could have said, “Stand up and walk.”

But Jesus loves this man too much to heal him 90%, so instead of just fixing his feet, he ministers to his soul too.  He tells the man, “Your sins are forgiven.”  You see this man did not just have crippled feet.  There was some sin in his life.  We do not know what it was but Jesus knew and he brought it up to the man.   Folks, a better love thinks more of the other person.  Better love reaches our first.  Better love takes risks.  But listen, a better love also speaks the truth. 

    This is important friends.  A better way to love is to love people all the way to the end. Just like Jesus loved us all the way to the Cross, if we’re going to love, we can’t quit part way in helping or serving or speaking to a friend, we’ve got to go all the way. The tricky part is, how do you love a friend while saying something that might initially hurt him?   This is advanced loving. But if you’re going to master it, speaking the truth is the greatest part of love.   We do it in kindness and not to hurt anyone.  But sometimes love must speak so as to save the other person and the relationship.

        A psychologist once asked a group of children about a better way of loving.

One little girl said, “WHEN MY GRANDMOTHER GOT ARTHRITIS, SHE COULDN’T BEND OVER AND PAINT HER TOENAILS ANYMORE. SO MY GRANDFATHER DOES IT FOR HER ALL THE TIME, EVEN WHEN HIS HANDS GOT ARTHRITIS TOO. THAT’S LOVE.” – REBECCA, AGE 8

Another little girl said, “LOVE IS WHEN YOU GO OUT TO EAT AND GIVE SOMEBODY MOST OF YOUR FRENCH FRIES WITHOUT MAKING THEM GIVE YOU ANY OF THEIRS.” – CHRISSY, AGE 6

A little boy said, “LOVE IS WHEN MY MOMMY MAKES COFFEE FOR MY DADDY AND SHE TAKES A SIP BEFORE GIVING IT TO HIM, TO MAKE SURE IT TASTES OKAY.” – DANNY, AGE 7

Another said, “IF YOU WANT TO LEARN TO LOVE BETTER, YOU SHOULD START WITH A FRIEND WHO YOU HATE.” – NIKKA, AGE 6

Here’s what I know. Our world needs a better way of loving. Our friends need a better way of loving. Our families need a better way of loving. We need a better way of loving, and Jesus’ way is it.   Who do you need to love this way today? How will you love them this way?   You will have ot make a decision and a commitment to make it happen.   Many of us come to church and we hope that spiritual things will just rub off on us by accident.       But none of us are going to become better at loving by accident.  It’s very unlikely that any of us will drift into becoming more loving people. The drift in life is always in the direction of ease and slothfulness. It’s always toward getting the world to rotate more around our agenda, not us towards others’. But we can do this. If we think about it, pray about it, talk about it, work on it, we can develop a better way of loving.   

So who will you love this way today?   Amen.